Set the tone for open talk

Say what you want from the chat: clarity, not perfection. Share your answers first to make space for theirs. Keep calls short, one topic at a time, and note what you felt after.

Faith and Daily Practice

Why it matters: Shared sadhana keeps the home steady.

• What does your daily japa and reading look like on workdays and weekends?
• How often do you attend programs or kirtan, and at what times?
• Which vows or standards do you follow at home, and which are flexible?

Listen for specifics, not labels.

Family Involvement and Boundaries

Why it matters: Peace comes from defined roles.

• How involved are parents in major decisions, finances, or child care?
• If there is a conflict between spouse and family, what is your process?
• What are non-negotiable family traditions or festivals you expect at home?

Lifestyle and Home Setup

Why it matters: Small routines shape daily harmony.

• Food standards at home, eating out rules, and kitchen norms
• Sleep schedule, screen time, and quiet hours for chanting
• Guests policy, hosting frequency, and privacy limits

Work, Money, and Goals

Why it matters: Clear plans reduce pressure.

• Work hours, travel, and remote options
• Who manages monthly budgets and how you track expenses
• Saving goals, charity habits, and debt, if any

Tip for real responses: share ballpark numbers, not just ideas.

Where to Live and Relocation

Why it matters: Community and commute affect sadhana.

• City preferences and openness to move for career or service
• Proximity to temple community you want
• Renting first or buying, and timeline

Children, Care, and Values

Why it matters: Alignment prevents future stress.

• Views on having children and timing
• Schooling choices and language at home
• Daily routine for kids, screen rules, and holiday plans

Health and Support Systems

Why it matters: Honesty builds trust early.

• Any ongoing health conditions or therapy
• Diet or allergy needs that affect the household
• How you seek help during burnout or illness

Conflict and Repair

Why it matters: Every couple disagrees, repair is the skill.

• What helps you cool down, and what makes it worse?
• How soon do you prefer to resolve issues after a fight?
• Are you open to faith-based counseling if needed?

Personal Space and Growth

Why it matters: Space keeps affection fresh.

• Alone time needs each week
• Hobbies and learning goals for the next year
• Boundaries on phones and social media at home

Community Service and Giving

Why it matters: Shared service deepens bond.

• Which seva roles energize you, which drain you
• How many hours a month you can give together
• Charity plan and causes you support

Intimacy, Respect, and Consent

Why it matters: Safety and dignity are non-negotiable.

• What signals comfort or discomfort for you
• How you prefer to schedule private time around sadhana
• What words or actions feel disrespectful, even as a joke

Wedding Plan and Pace

Why it matters: Timelines impact money and family.

• Civil and religious ceremonies you want and guest size
• Budget range, who contributes, and what stays simple
• Engagement length and decision checkpoints

Digital Trust and Privacy

Why it matters: Devices can help or hurt.

• Sharing passwords, phones on the table, and location sharing
• Posting photos online, tagging rules, and profile privacy
• How to handle old friendships and DMs

Deal-Breakers to State Early

Be clear and kind. Examples:

• Substance use of any kind
• Mocking faith or blocking sadhana time
• Financial secrecy or debt hidden from spouse
• Refusal to involve elders when serious issues arise

Scripts that Invite Real Answers

• "Can you walk me through a regular weekday from wake-up to sleep?"
• "What did giving in charity look like for you last year?"
• "Tell me about a hard week recently. How did you handle stress and sadhana?"
• "If we disagree on a family visit, what steps should we follow?"

How to Evaluate What You Hear

• Look for consistency across calls
• Match words with real schedules and past behavior
• Notice how they respond to your boundaries
• Check if both of you can make small adjustments without resentment

Quick Checklist for Devotee Couples

• Daily sadhana plan that fits both lives
• Family roles, visiting rules, and privacy
• Food standards and home routines
• Work hours, money method, and savings goals
• City, community, and relocation comfort
• Children, schooling, and values at home
• Health disclosures and support plan
• Conflict style and repair steps
• Digital trust rules and social media
• Wedding budget, size, and timeline